when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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