Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
