I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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