He felt like a one man threesome
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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