dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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