Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
