she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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