we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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