hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
