oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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