dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
