p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
