this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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