God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
