soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
