East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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