I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
