one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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