she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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