Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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