I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
