God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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