im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Never underestimate the power of titties
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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