i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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