well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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