He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
