so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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