Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
