I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
