You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
