do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
