It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
