First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it hurts more in the daytime
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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