oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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