the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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