She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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