The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
