i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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