carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
