then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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