Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
whose parrot is this?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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