At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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