what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
