you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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