Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
