More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
