there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
