if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
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her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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