Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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