this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
