man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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