We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
