Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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