he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
