I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
