Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You are the jesus of drinking
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
