his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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