There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
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I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
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HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?