But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
