shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
