I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
