we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
