roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is it because I queefed?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
