we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
