Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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