Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
