she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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