So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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