so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
time to smoke my breakfast
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
