Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
